"the" Self Reflection of Loneliness on 11A4F

You know what, dear?
I miss you
I guess you've gotten tired of hearing these 3 words from me
You've heard it since 6 years ago, but still I say i

I guess you're just trying to adapt this whole new pace
It's okay
I've been there
We've both been there
But, it's the contrary now
I have to be someone who feels okay with you not thinking about me at all
While function well without any complain

I'm not a cry baby
It's just, we all know, this 20s crisis
We feel lonely constantly
We have people close to us, but still like we have nobody
We have huge eagerness to wander by overcoming boundaries such as limited amount of money, time, and energy
We struggle with our idealism while the world seems so far from what we expect

Well the thought has gone too far
But most of all, it's just the loneliness problem
And some people might just say, you should be grateful for whatever you have, cz some other don't receive such wonderful condition

Damnit!
Thousands of books talk about positive thinking! Here I am, considered an easy going, neutral to positive vibed human being by my colleagues suffer from my own hypochrisy.

Not that things seem negative
Not that life seem so hard that I want to end it

But, these days, it's just these oceanic or forest fantasy kind of ambience that came to mind.
Those 2-12 hours sea creature swimming videos became the most ideal material to enjoy
Those big sea mammals instagram account had the posts I liked mostly
Those orchestra instrumental music that keeps coming to this idle mind
Those green scenes, wherever they came from, become so enjoyable

I guess, it's just a way my brain telling me to slow down, to accept, to enjoy, to embrace whatever I have without any BUT.